Why does my partner always behave like this? It's time to take responsibility for your own well-being

What stops us from taking responsibility?

When we talk about taking responsibility, we usually cannot ignore the role of the victim. The two usually go hand in hand. Victimhood makes it difficult for people to take responsibility for very different reasons.

Victimhood is a mindset that a person has unconsciously fallen into. It is a pattern of thinking in which people do not see themselves as responsible for situations or choices, but instead blame others. People can have this kind of mindset for many different reasons.

But there is also a third role - that of the over-responder. They see their value in being useful/necessary to people in some way. The transgressor does not know how to take responsibility for setting his or her boundaries. He often has an inner expectation that he is valued by always being available and understanding to everyone. It is common for overachievers to take excessive responsibility for the well-being of others, leaving them behind. As a result, over-abusers also tend to lack healthy boundaries, which means that they allow their feelings and needs to override those of others.

How can we take responsibility for our own well-being?

The first step to taking responsibility is awareness. It is very good to be aware that if you notice any problems/ arguments/ situations/ feelings recurring from time to time, these are strong indicators of a thought pattern. If you find yourself in this situation again, you can ask yourself one simple question: "What can I do, to make this situation easier?". However, it is important to bear in mind that answering this question requires some pretty courageous introspection. Once you have the courage to admit to yourself that you can do something for your own well-being, you can take the initiative and start taking responsibility for your own well-being, emotions, and feelings. 

Practical advice on how to take responsibility that you can apply in real life:
1. No change can come into physical reality unless we have openness and awareness. It's good to know what my triggers are that trigger any emotions in me. Awareness and asking yourself guiding questions are essential: "How aware am I of my triggers? What are my triggers? How do I behave and what do I feel? What is my role in this situation?"
2. If this remains at the level of awareness only, it is not enough. It needs to be applied in real life. Awareness, openness, and then implementation. It's a process - be patient with yourself! Notice also if the process doesn't turn out perfectly, that's progress too.
3. Our lives are in our own hands. Whether we are in the role of victim in our own life or the role of the transgressor, it all depends on awareness and taking responsibility.

If you would like to learn even more about this topic, as well as the topics mentioned below, listen to our podcast episode with Liine Põldsam here → https://youtu.be/AihjELwWn6U

In this podcast, we will touch on topics such as:

• How to deal with criticism when your partner is very accusative
• Why do we fall into the victim role
• The turtle vs. hare behavior pattern in relationships
• What triggers the accusative person and sets off the whole snowball effect?
• Love languages in relationships
• Common mistakes people make in relationships

Thank you for listening!"