Tips for a happy relationship: find out what role you play in a relationship and how to create a balance between roles

One of the most challenging challenges for people is to find a balance between individualization and the need to belong. Systemic therapy means that the person takes more responsibility and begins to better understand their behavior patterns. We face this challenge every day - my needs vs. my partner's needs. In order to satisfy your needs, every person must take responsibility for their own needs. The need for belonging is also one of the basic needs of a person. Therefore, it is often difficult for people to find a healthy balance between the need for belonging and their other needs.

A problematic area in relationships is often the different need for closeness. The need for closeness between partners can be very different, taking into account the closeness that the person experienced with their parents as a child. For example, a daily situation may be where a man does not understand what closeness the woman feels a lack of. For the man, everything may seem fine because his parents did not offer him such closeness as a child that his partner might have been used to as a child. At this point, it is very important to understand with what kind of baggage our partners come into this relationship.

One of the most difficult phases in a relationship comes after the infatuation phase, where people start to sharpen their corners and learn more and more about each other. They can no longer exist as individuals but must begin to take their partners into account. At this point, it is important for both partners to adapt to the new situation. If one partner does what they want and always chooses to do what they want and does not change because they are now in a relationship, it is likely that this relationship does not have a long future.

If both partners decide to continue on their own path, the relationship becomes quite distant immediately. Even if these couples stay together for a few years, they often eventually come to the conclusion that they have grown apart. This in turn means that the distance between the two people was too great to achieve closeness. Inner growth did not take place and the relationship was unable to develop, which is actually what relationships are intended for.

In addition, there are often dynamics where one partner continues on their own path and the other partner tries to adapt to it. Almost gives away their own self. An adapter usually quickly understands that they are not satisfied with this relationship. An adapter, who has given away their own self is not an equal partner to their other half. There is no equality in the relationship, as there is no equal partnership.

The opposite of the adaptor is dominant in the relationship. The dominant is the one for whom their truth is the truest and they know exactly how things work. The dominant or overfunctioner thinks they know best and take responsibility for everything themselves. However, dominants are typically very happy with this role. They feel that if they can do everything themselves, it is necessary to be always on time and well done.

In a relationship, we have different dynamics, which will also be discussed in more depth in the podcast. There are underfunctioner and overfunctioner roles, in which the underfunctioner is the adaptor and the overfunctioner is the dominant. Below, we will take a closer look at these roles and their interactions with each other dynamics.

Dominant vs. adapter

The dominant is the one who says it is and it stays. In this case, there is a chance that the relationship will not develop or that the partner will adapt to the dominator and give up his or her self-image. The adjuster may become psychologically and physically ill as a result. The partner is out of touch with his or her own needs and is highly oriented towards the needs of the dominant. The dominant, on the other hand, feels alone and responsible for everything. He often feels that if he does not do things, then things are not done. Dissatisfaction can also lead to side relationships, alcoholism, or some other form of substitution. It is very difficult for a dominant to rely on someone he or she does not respect.

Possible solution: The dominant should take a step back and allow the adapter to start taking responsibility for his own life. Open communication and the feeling of being heard are important.

Risks: The adapter or under-functioner may become ill, depressed, or dissatisfied. At the same time, the dominant is not happy. He may feel that he has all the responsibility, that he has to decide everything, and that he is the driving force in the relationship. This is also the source of various dysfunctions.

For example, the woman is a housewife and the man goes to work. The man feels that he does everything, he brings the money home, as if he is the dominant one. At the same time, the woman is responsible for the well-being of the home, does everything at home, and feels that she is also in a dominant role. How do you distinguish between these situations and how do you differentiate between these roles in this example? If you look at this particular case, it is a dominant vs. dominant dynamic, which is not an easy case.

Dominant vs. dominant

Each is trying to achieve their own goal, and at any cost. This relationship can last for years, but generally, this pattern of relationship is familiar to them from somewhere, so it suits them to be in it. No matter how familiar the pattern, people eventually tire of conflict and it is not what fuels their psyche. Such patterns are common and are effectively resolved through family therapy.

Risk: Sooner or later, one of these partners will tire.

Possible solution: listening more to the other side and expressing clearly and lovingly your needs to your partner. It is possible to stay in a relationship with each other if you express yourself in a soft and non-dominant way.

It is possible to maintain a positive relationship by being open and non-confrontational.

Adapter vs adapter

In this type of relationship, neither party takes responsibility and both expect the other to take the initiative in the relationship. This, in turn, creates a situation where nothing gets started.

Possible solution: you have to talk about your feelings honestly and openly, and share what responsibilities you have towards someone.

What is a healthy relationship and what are the basic elements that shape it?
1. Satisfaction and flexibility in the relationship.
2. A relationship needs nourishment, and nourishment is intimacy.
3. Listening skills.
4. Similar values. Similar backgrounds, where we come from, also play an important role here, providing the motivation, "It's easier for me to understand you."
5. Intimacy is essential for a good working relationship.

Suggestions to implement in your daily life in a partnership, so that you and your partner's needs are both heard:
1. The ability to listen ;
2. Offer to understand your partner's needs;
3. Instead of blaming, focus on your own feelings and desires.

What is a conflict of values? For example, if a man wants to provide financial security but a woman needs emotional and physical intimacy. How to get out of it?

Listen about this and much more in the podcast → https://youtu.be/rG_FP10NELM

Have a great listen and try to find connections in your existing relationship or in a future one!